Based on my curious reaction to various pain medications and the fact that every diagnostic test (MRI, Nerve Study, Etc.) has come back completely healthy, my doctor recently suggested that the repetitive strain which has caused me a countless amount of stress and pain over the last four years may in fact be largely psychosomatic, or at the very least mostly stress induced. Frankly, I’m inclined to agree with him.

I don’t think it’s entirely “all in my head” but it really is the simplest and most reasonable explaination based on everything we now know. With that in mind I’m going to begin trying to get to the root of whatever it is that made me react this way.

My initial hypothesis: My ability to write well as always been extremely, extremely important to me and faced with the prospect that I might not be as good at it as I hoped, my brain, rather than deal with such a situation, instead grossly exaggerated and prolonged the symptoms of Repetitive Strain I was experiencing, in order to prevent me from doing any writing at all because if I couldn’t write anything I couldn’t write anything I was disappointed with, keeping me safe from such anxiety.

This might sound  too complicated or far-fetched to be true, but considering I was writing for a local newspaper full time (and constantly being criticized by my editors for how sloppy my writing was) when my condition really first became serious, I don’t think it’s all that unreasonable.

So I’m going to start typing more and keeping a journal again, kind of forcing myself to deal with the things I believe I’m trying to avoid. With any luck I’ll eventually get over myself and the symptoms (and fears) will slowly fade away.

Wish me luck.