Holy crap, you absolutely have to read this short story by Woody Allen. It is a mock-pulp fiction tale about a hard-boiled detective who investigates a prostitution ring  that sets up intellectual conversations for married men who don’t get enough close reading from their wife

A silky voice answered, and I told her what was on my mind. “I understand you can help me set up an hour of good chat,” I said.

“Sure, honey. What do you have in mind?”

“I’d like to discuss Melville.”

“Moby Dick or shorter novels?”

“What’s the difference?”

“The price. That’s all. Symbolism’s extra.”

“What’ll it run me?”

“Fifty, maybe a hundred for Moby Dick. You want a comparative discussion - Melville and Hawthorne? That could be arranged for a hundred.”

Freshman year at Northeastern, I would’ve gladly paid for this service. The story is brief (ten minutes tops) and hilarious.