My first semester of grad school is over thankfully. This term has been much more exhausting and time consuming then I ever thought possible. It feels like such an abrupt change of pace from undergrad, which had me casually making straight “A”s and impressing professors. Now, I’m really struggling to just pass my classes and I honestly have moments of doubt as to whether I will be able to make it though three more semesters.
The change from last year to this year has been so abrupt in fact that it makes me think about The Peter Principle, which if you’re not familiar states that, “In a company hierarchy, every employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence.” Basically it’s the idea that someone will advance and be promoted in a company or life repeatedly until they reach a level that is just slightly more demanding then they are capable of. If they were any better at this position they would be promoted, and if they were any worse, they’d be fired. Sometimes I honestly think I might have reached my platitude because all of a sudden I find myself over my head academically, struggling to just pass my classes, not ace them.
Maybe I’m still adjusting, maybe I had a particularly tough round of classes, but the point is I’m more doubtful then I have been in a long time. The other thing that concerns me about this semester in retrospect is how unconcerned about it I was at the time. It was close to impossible to get myself motivated and there were many times when I knowingly put off an assignment well pass the point of any acceptable grade. This too is quite puzzling. Why couldn’t I get myself to care? This is one more abrupt change for last year. I really wish I could have felt some of the anxiety I feel now back when it could have actually motivated me.
Anyway, In the end I think I need to take a different approach next semester because 1. I can’t keep this pace up 2. I kind keep this poor academic performance up 3. I can’t spend any less amount of time away from my friends (I’m already going months without seeing some of my favorite people and it won’t stand.) I think I will talk to my doctor about my ADD meds too, maybe that will help.
Okay, enough HAPPY XMAS!
